Ever wonder if you are the only one confused about what to do during the talking stage? You are not alone. About 60.9% of new relationships begin this way. Try to stay curious. Set clear boundaries. Keep things light and fun. You might feel confused or worried sometimes. Many people have problems like:
Not knowing how long to talk before moving forward
Feeling unsure about the relationship status
Worrying about getting hurt or rejected
This stage lets you learn about yourself and the other person without any pressure.
Key Takeaways
Ask questions and talk often to build trust and learn more about each other.
Make rules early to protect your space and feelings. This also shows respect.
Tell stories and share things slowly to make a safe and fun bond.
Look out for warning signs like being rude or bossy. Trust how you feel inside.
Go slow, have fun, and always tell the truth before you decide to be serious.
What Is the Talking Stage
You might hear people talk about the “talking stage” and wonder what it really means. This phase comes before you call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend. You both feel excited, but things are not official yet. You text, hang out, and maybe even flirt, but you have not set any labels. Sometimes, you might feel unsure about where things are going. That is normal.
Here is how relationship experts describe this stage:
Core Theme | Description |
|---|---|
Pre-dating phase | Happens before you become an official couple. You might feel a spark or even share some physical moments. |
Ambiguity about commitment | You both try to figure out if you want to be exclusive. Sometimes, you talk to other people, too. |
Unofficial romantic label | You are not single, but you are not a couple either. There is less pressure, but some expectations exist. |
Purpose of the Talking Stage
The talking stage gives you a chance to get to know someone without rushing. You learn about each other’s likes, dislikes, and values. You also see how you both handle small problems or disagreements. Here are some main goals:
Build trust and honesty by sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Practice good communication. You listen and talk about what matters to you.
Learn how to handle disagreements in a healthy way.
Find out if you both want the same things in the future.
Discover what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable.
Tip: Use this time to ask questions and share stories. You will learn a lot about yourself and the other person.
How Long It Lasts
You might wonder, “How long should we stay in the talking stage?” There is no perfect answer, but here are some common ideas:
Many people follow a “three-month rule” before making things official.
Some experts say the talking stage should last 1 to 3 weeks if you live near each other.
If you wait too long, you might lose interest or feel stuck.
Try to meet in person soon. This helps you decide if you want to move forward.
Every relationship moves at its own pace. The key is to enjoy the process and not rush.
Communication Tips
Open Conversations
You want to feel comfortable talking with someone new. Open conversations help you build trust and make things less awkward. When you share your thoughts and listen to the other person, you both feel heard and respected. This is the best way to see if you connect.
Honest conversations are the heart of any strong relationship. When you talk openly, you show that you care about what the other person thinks and feels.
Relationship experts suggest these strategies for better communication during the talking stage:
1. Listen carefully without interrupting. 2. Try to understand the other person’s point of view, even if you disagree. 3. Acknowledge and validate their feelings. 4. Ask thoughtful questions about their day and emotions. 5. Admit your mistakes honestly. 6. Respect boundaries and give space when needed. 7. Address problems directly instead of ignoring them. 8. Share your thoughts and feelings to build emotional intimacy. 9. Use emotional intelligence to read their cues. 10. Check in regularly to build trust.
Research shows that open communication early on leads to higher relationship satisfaction. When you show interest and clarify your feelings, you help reduce confusion and stress. This makes the talking stage more enjoyable and less scary. Open conversations also help you set boundaries and understand each other’s needs, which is important for long-term happiness.
Sharing Experiences
You might wonder how much to share about yourself. Sharing stories and experiences helps you connect, but you do not want to overshare. The key is to find a balance.
Start with light stories. Save deeper topics for later, when you feel more comfortable.
Notice if the other person shares too. Good conversations go both ways.
Share because you want to connect, not just to get a reaction.
Use humor or talk about mistakes. This shows you are real and relatable.
Pay attention to the mood and flow of the conversation.
If you feel nervous, it is okay to pause and think before you speak.
If you share too much, just guide the talk back to a lighter topic.
Wait until you trust the other person before sharing very personal details.
Tip: Listen more than you talk. Ask questions and show interest in their stories, too.
Dating coaches warn against texting all day or sharing every detail right away. This can feel overwhelming and may even push the other person away. It is better to let conversations grow naturally. Save some stories for when you meet in person. This keeps things exciting and helps you build a real connection.
When you share experiences at the right time, you make the talking stage feel safe and fun. You both get to know each other without pressure. This is how you build a strong foundation for whatever comes next.
Boundaries in the Talking Stage
Setting boundaries during the talking stage helps you feel safe, respected, and true to yourself. You might feel excited and want to spend all your time with someone new, but it is important to protect your own space and feelings. Boundaries are not about building walls. They help you show up as your real self and build trust.
Setting Limits
You do not have to act like a partner right away. It is easy to fall into habits like texting all day, sharing every detail, or expecting constant attention. This can make things feel too serious too soon. You might even start to feel clingy or worry if the other person does not reply fast enough. Instead, try to keep things balanced.
Here are some ways you can set healthy limits:
Let the other person know you need time for friends, family, and hobbies. For example, you can say, “I like spending time with you, but I also need time with my friends.”
If you are not ready to talk about your past, it is okay to say, “I’m not ready to talk about my past yet. Please give me some time.”
Speak up if something makes you uncomfortable, like certain types of touch or sharing private details online.
Ask for personal space when you need it. You can say, “I need some quiet time to work,” or “I’d rather keep some parts of our relationship private.”
Set limits on how much you text or call. You do not have to be available all the time.
Tip: Use “I” statements to share your needs. For example, “I feel better when I have some time to myself after school.”
Relationship therapists say that setting talking and listening boundaries helps you avoid common problems like taking things personally, blaming, or jumping to conclusions. When you set limits, you show respect for yourself and the other person. This helps you both feel safe and open.
You can also set boundaries around technology. Try having “no phone zones” during meals or when you hang out. This helps you connect without distractions. Personal space is just as important. Spending time apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals.
Here is a table to help you see how different boundaries can help your relationship:
Boundary Type | How It Helps Your Relationship |
|---|---|
Personal Space | Supports mental health and lets you grow as your own person |
Phone/Digital | Reduces stress and helps you focus on each other |
Early Boundary Setting | Builds trust and avoids misunderstandings |
Emotional Support | Shows empathy and keeps the relationship healthy |
Compromise | Helps you both feel respected, even if you have different needs |
Setting limits early makes it easier to talk about your needs later. It also helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed or resentful.
Managing Expectations
You might wonder when to talk about being exclusive or what to expect from each other. It is normal to feel unsure. The best way to manage expectations is to talk openly and honestly.
Do not assume the other person wants the same things as you. Ask questions and listen to their answers.
If you want to talk about exclusivity, choose a time when you both feel relaxed and can focus. Face-to-face talks work best, but you can use whatever feels comfortable.
Be honest about your feelings. Say what you want, but also listen to what the other person wants.
Use examples or “what if” questions to explore how you both feel about being exclusive.
Make sure you want exclusivity for the right reasons, not just because you feel insecure or afraid.
Note: It is okay if you both want different things. The talking stage is about learning what works for you.
Clear boundaries help you avoid confusion and hurt feelings. When you talk about your comfort levels—like how often you want to text, how much time you spend together, or how you feel about physical touch—you build trust and respect. This makes it easier to move forward if you both want a committed relationship.
Relationship counselors say that setting boundaries early helps you keep your independence and mental health. You do not have to give up your needs to make someone else happy. Boundaries also help you avoid stress and resentment. When you check in with each other and adjust your boundaries as needed, you both feel heard and valued.
Here are some common boundaries to think about:
Time for yourself and your friends
Privacy about your relationship online
How much you share about your feelings or past
How often you communicate each day
What physical touch feels comfortable
If you ever feel your boundaries are not respected, speak up. You deserve to feel safe and valued. Setting and keeping boundaries shows you are ready for a healthy relationship, now and in the future.
Building Connection
Asking Questions
You can build a strong connection by asking the right questions. Try to go beyond “What’s your favorite color?” and ask about dreams, values, or childhood memories. These questions help you both open up and feel safe sharing. When you show real curiosity, you make the other person feel seen and heard.
Some great questions to ask:
What do you admire most about your family?
How do you handle tough days?
What is something you want to try in the future?
What does trust mean to you?
Tip: Share your own answers first. This shows you are willing to be open and helps the other person feel comfortable.
You can also talk about how you both handle conflict or what you hope for in a relationship. These conversations help you understand each other’s values and dreams. Remember to listen closely, make eye contact, and nod to show you care. This builds trust and makes your bond stronger.
Playful Energy
Keeping things playful makes your connection exciting. Try new activities together, like going to a fun event or playing a silly game. When you laugh together, you create happy memories and feel closer. Playfulness helps you both relax and be yourselves.
Here are some ways to keep the energy light and fun:
Share funny stories or inside jokes.
Flirt with a smile or a playful text.
Plan surprise dates or try something new together.
Use humor to talk about your quirks or fears.
Cheer each other on and celebrate small wins.
Playful Action | How It Helps Your Bond |
|---|---|
Increases intimacy and happiness | |
Flirting | Builds excitement and romantic spark |
New experiences | Creates lasting memories |
Inside jokes | Makes your connection unique |
Meeting in person as soon as you feel ready can make your bond even stronger. Face-to-face time lets you see real smiles, hear laughter, and feel the energy between you. This helps you know if you want to take the next step together.
Red Flags and Moving Forward
Spotting Red Flags
You want to feel safe and respected when you get to know someone new. Sometimes, warning signs show up early, even if you feel excited. Dating coaches and psychologists say you should watch for these red flags:
Passive-aggressive comments or sarcasm that make you feel small.
Criticism or rude behavior when you share your opinions.
Hot and cold texting, or ignoring your questions.
Rudeness to waiters or others, showing a lack of respect.
Avoiding personal questions or being too nosy.
Judging or gossiping about others all the time.
Controlling actions, like telling you who to talk to or where to go.
Extreme jealousy, checking your phone, or asking where you are.
Blaming you for problems or refusing to talk about issues.
Not wanting to talk about what you both want from the relationship.
Lying or trying to make you doubt yourself.
Lovebombing—rushing things with big gifts or intense words.
Ignoring your boundaries or making you feel uncomfortable.
Threats or aggressive words or actions.
Suddenly disappearing without a word (ghosting).
Not showing basic courtesy, like letting you know if they’re late.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You deserve kindness and honesty.
When to Move On or Commit
You might wonder when it’s time to keep going or walk away. Here are some signs to help you decide:
The other person avoids real conversations or only texts late at night.
They never want to meet in person or always make excuses.
You feel like you’re giving more effort than you get back.
They rush you or pressure you to move faster than you want.
They refuse to talk about what you both want in the future.
Many people end things when they feel confused about what the other person wants. If you feel stuck or the talking stage drags on too long, it’s okay to move on. Ghosting happens a lot, often because someone feels overwhelmed or doesn’t want to talk about their feelings. If you notice these signs, talk openly about how you feel. If things don’t change, you can choose what’s best for you.
Remember, you have the right to set boundaries and expect respect. Healthy relationships start with clear communication and trust.
You can make the most of the talking stage by staying open, setting clear boundaries, and keeping things playful. Watch for red flags and trust your gut. Studies show that enjoying this early phase helps you build strong communication and emotional skills for the future. Try not to rush into labels. Take your time to learn about yourself and the other person. Remember, every step you take now shapes your happiness later. Trust yourself and have fun with the journey!
FAQ
How do you know if the talking stage is going well?
You feel excited to talk. You both ask questions and share stories. You laugh together. You feel respected. If you look forward to your next chat, things are probably going well!
Should you talk to other people during the talking stage?
You can talk to others unless you both agree to be exclusive. Many people date around at first. If you want to focus on one person, talk about it together.
What if you feel nervous about meeting in person?
Feeling nervous is normal! Try to meet in a public place. Tell a friend where you are. Remember, the other person might feel nervous too. You can even joke about it to break the ice.
How do you move from the talking stage to dating?
Start by sharing your feelings. Ask if they want to be exclusive or go on a real date. If you both feel ready, make it official. Trust your gut and take your time.
